Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. I dont think thats a coincidence. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 34. 7. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 210. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 250. And a funny bone. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. I want to afford them., 2. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Why is England the wettest country? We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. - Christopher Reeve. Short Funny Quotes. 238. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. 169. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. Any text will do. 168. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 197. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. 192. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Honolulu, its got everything. Paul Ehrlich, 241. 65. 1. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". 179. 264. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. Friends buy you food. Nobody gets out alive anyway. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". 189. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. No matter what I look like. It was created to do amazing things. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. 3. Art doesnt transform. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. 112. 89. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. 279. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. Alright, get in the basket.. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 9. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. Life always offers you a second chance. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 6. 191. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. 60. My jokes do. 86. 7. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Frances McDormand Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 225. 231. East. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 10. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 248. 115. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Because they make up everything. Roy Lichtenstein It will warm you twice unknown. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. - Jack London. Run. I wish my wallet came with free refills. I receive what I believe. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 3. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 74. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! Making everyone angry, piece of cake. happy. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I am grateful for all that I have. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. Steven Wright, 252. 251. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. It makes them so damned mad. 239. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 235. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 2. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Take a look! I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. 178. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Ann Landers, 244. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. What is Mozart doing right now? You cant have everything, where would you put it? Make it inspiring. 92. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Your email address will not be published. "Your mistakes don't define you.". I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. I tried, but they wanted cash. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. Exercise? Franklin Jones 14. I thought you said extra fries. 221. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. 1. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Required fields are marked *. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 37. 8. 46. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. 114. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Youre not tequila., 5. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. I love my job only when Im on vacation. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 219. Its a door, thats how they work. 191. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. I am lazy till I get a motive. 272. 15. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 33. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 40. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Funny Affirmations. Batwoman: single. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 171. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 54. Socrates. Ted Turner. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 120. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Sometimes the M is silent. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm.
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